“New Year, New Me.” I’m sorry, I want to acknowledge that I am the same person. Not a different person. I am the same mess, just wanting to be better. I don’t want to be brand new, I want to be better. Besides, “New Year, New Me” has only ever made me pretend to be someone I’m not. Someone I hadn’t even had time to become. So, yeah..new year, better ME. 

I think every New Year, I want to be a different person. Leave the past behind. Goodbye to ‘Last Year’. 

I want to immediately end bad habits and attitudes. Like IMMEDIATELY embody all that I dream to be. EVERYTHING NEW. 

That is never the case. So I want to bring it all with me and make it something different, something better. 

And I know, “Why would you want to be the same old way?” Trust me, I don’t, but hear me out. 

I’ve thought about this for like 2 seconds. 

Unless you have a sort of strange devil magic, nothing genuine is happening to you overnight, and this I learned over many days and deeply cold nights. So I sat and figured that the real reason behind wanting to be “new” is just me wanting to be better. Doing what I said I would do and trying without cease. 

This twisted mind of mine has never straightened itself out. I could continue with “overnight”, but it just..hasn’t. And I probably wouldn’t prefer it to, but that’s beside the point. 

After watching my mind for countless hours, I have come to realize that any true change will take time. Repetition. Dedication. Discipline. Love. And A miracle. 

I also thought about that until I die, this body, through which I breathe and walk this fine Earth, will always be with me. Not new, until death. And with that, the realization that it, too, has only ever grown. 

All this leads me to say, “Why not carry on as I am and just..grow?” Be…Better. Witness, intentionally, the transformation I spent many years wishing would just happen once the clock struck Midnight.

So that’s what I’m going to try to do. Be me and be better. Try everyday. And not let the weight of who I feel is a perfect version of myself, pressure me into being someone I currently am not. To not let the idea of a “new me” persuade and pressure me into running past the roses. To not let the smoke screen keep me from finding my own reflection in the mirror. Me. The one that isn’t better yet, but wants to be. The one that isn’t new, or old, but ever growing and ever changing. 

I think it’s about time to embrace that life is life. And one thing that all living things do is grow. When they pass away, they pass away. But for as long as they are here and alive, they are always the them ( or it ) they were when they were born. 

I want to change, with time, into the best version of myself I can be. 

No matter how long it takes. 

I just need to get up today.